Living in a house with 4 little people means that there is noise ALL the time- except, of course, for the hours they are asleep. Usually, I don’t even think of it as noise- it’s just life happening all around me. Before having kids I was really into music. I would have it playing in my house, my car, office, etc. Now if I actually have a moment to myself I prefer the silence. Such was the case this morning during my run.
After Tuesday’s track half marathon I took yesterday completely off. My legs were tired and my ankles were the most sore part of my body. (All those stinking turns around the track.) I was feeling good enough to run this morning but I wanted to take it easy. Lately I’ve been running with tunes or running on the treadmill watching Netflix. This morning the sun was just starting to rise and I turned off my iPod so I could listen to nature. I was able to hear myself think. I was able to talk to God about some of the issues that are on my heart. I was also quickly reminded of the many things in my life that I am thankful for which I know I take for granted too often.
It was just what I needed.
I came home refreshed and at peace. I made chocolate chip pancakes (Anna’s favorite) before the big kids went to school. I took Ashton to the park this morning and purposefully left my phone in the car. Life is happening all around me and I don’t want to miss it because I’m not listening.
Every day presents its own unique set of challenges. I feel a huge responsibility has been placed on me as a mother. I know I am not alone in this task- I have a very supportive husband and he works hard so I can stay home with our children. As the one who is home day in and day out I feel very accountable for who they are becoming. I am raising 4 amazing little people who are so different. They have their own strengths and weaknesses. I am molding the lives of 4 people and sometimes it is so hard to do. Some days I feel like a failure. Why didn’t I spend more time with them? Do they know how much I love them and how much they mean to me? Do they know how special they are?
Right now my oldest son (age 6) is going through a stage where he worries about everything. Abi, who is 8, never went through this phase so I’m doing my best to handle his numerous questions and concerns. Lately he has been asking so many questions about getting sick or dying. We have not had anyone close to us get sick or die recently so I don’t know where this is all coming from. I am trying my best to be calm and relaxed when I answer his questions and reassure him that he doesn’t need to worry. Hopefully this will pass soon. (Btw- A great book on worrying for kids is Wemberly Worried, by Kevin Henkes. Very lighthearted and funny.)
I will close with the 20 Strictly Running Commandments. A former college teammate of mine recently posted this on Facebook and I had to share it. I especially liked #2. “Don’t make running your life. Make it part of your life.” Sometimes running contributes to the “noise” and I just need to stop and remember what is really matters.